When I look around me, I see people breaking-off ties with their close relatives as if nothing matters, siblings not talking to each other for days, weeks, even months at a stretch. I am a mortal and have done the same on more than one occasion. Thankfully for us, Islam comes to the rescue and explains the importance of family ties and brotherhood.
Just thought I’d search for some references from the Qur’an and Sunnah to help everyone understand the importance of family and how breaking ties will effect us in this world and the here-after.
The following is a collection of interpretation of verses from the Holy Qur’an:
“The believers are nothing else than brothers (in Islamic religion). So make reconciliation between your brothers.” (49:10)
“… and fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of ) the wombs (kinship)…” (4:1)
“And those who break the Covenant of Allah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allah has commanded to be joined (i.e., they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives), and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse (i.e., they will be far away from Allah’s Mercy); And for them is the unhappy (evil) home (i.e., Hell).” (13:26)
“Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.” (47:22-23)
A lot of ahadith explain the importance of family and the implications of severing ties with your relatives:
Anas bin Malik (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “Do not desert (stop talking to) one another, do not nurse hatred towards one another, do not be jealous of one another, and become as fellow brothers and slaves of Allah. It is not lawful for a Muslim to stop talking to his brother (Muslim) for more than three days.”[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “People’s deeds are presented before Allah on Mondays and Thursdays, and then every slave (of Allah) is granted forgiveness (of minor sins) if he does not associate anything with Allah in worship. But the person in whose heart there is rancour against his brother, will not be pardoned. With regard to them, it is said twice: `Hold these two until they are reconciled’.” [Muslim]
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “It is not lawful for a Muslim to forsake his (Muslim) brother beyond three days; and whosoever does so for more than three days, and then dies, will certainly enter the Hell.” [Abu Dawud]
Abu Khirash Hadrad bin Abu Hadrad Al-Aslami (May Allah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Prophet (PBUH) saying, “Whosoever forsakes his brother for a year is like one who sheds his blood.” (Abu Dawud)
The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The one who maintains a relationship with his relatives only because they maintain a relationship with him is not truly upholding the ties of kinship. The one who truly upholds those ties is the one who does so even if they break off the relationship.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 5645).
“There is no sin more deserving of having punishment meted out by Allah to its perpetrator in advance in this world, along with what He has for him in the next world, than oppression and severing family ties.” (Tirmizi)
“Does not enter Paradise he who breaks up his family ties”. (Bukhari)
This is an eye-opening compilation and should serve as a basis of all our present and future relationships. If you think you know someone who is in the middle of a personal/family feud, please forward this to them and ask them to fix their ties for Allah’s sake.
Thank you and remember me in your prayers.
Roda
July 18, 2011 at 12:49 am
What if the family member makes an oath on Allah name that they will never speak to you even when dying? My aunt got really upset at me and I guess we’ve been having different opinions on certain things. She got really upset and now she’s not speaking to me. I just wanted to know islamically if someone makes an oath on God’s name to never speak to you. Isn’t that a major sin because you can’t make an oath on something God forbid Muslims to do. To cut ties with your kin. So islamically what does one have to do get away from this oath? Does she have to fast three days and make sincere tawbah to Allah? Because I am quite flustered and really didnt expect someone to get upset to that level.
ybawany
July 18, 2011 at 5:05 am
Assalamoalaikum Roda,
Honestly, I am no Islamic scholar, but Allah (subhanahu-wa-ta’ala) is all-forgiving. I think reconciling with your aunt and doing ‘tawbah’ is the best thing to do. She may be angry at you and would probably take a while to come around, but keep trying and try to stay as humble as possible (remember that she’s older than you) – no confrontations whatsoever, even if it means taking the whole blame on yourself.
Reconcile, and I’m sure Allah will be most pleased with the both of you. May he shower his countless blessings and bounties on all of us. Aameen.
Take care,
Yousuf
someone.
July 14, 2012 at 10:01 am
Me and my brother havent spoken for a year now. Im soo scared. ive tried soo many times with him but he isnt helping by just closing himself off. What should i do? Please help.
ybawany
July 14, 2012 at 12:33 pm
Assalamoalaikum Someone,
The best thing for you to do is keep trying and never give up hope. Allah will give him the sense to reconcile his differences with you.
Do you have any other person in the family who is still close to your brother? If yes, then you can ask that person to present your case and tell him how you truly feel.
May Allah help us all be better muslims. Aameen.
Allah Hafiz
Yousuf
journey
August 19, 2012 at 3:19 pm
beautiful read Yousaf. It is completely surprising to see how some british (pakistani) Muslims have created big chasms in the familes, It seems ok for the Dads not to even know of their brothers, but it becomes the duty of the daughter in laws to make sure the brothers (their sons) are meeting well. mostly ego issues i suppose.
ybawany
August 19, 2012 at 6:56 pm
Assalamoalaikum J,
I agree with you! In this day and age, humility is what we need in our lives. Egos should be done away with.
May Allah guide us to being better Muslims. Aameen.
Allah Hafiz and Eid Mubarak!
Yousuf
Fatima Zohra
August 21, 2012 at 2:54 pm
What about someone who is really bad causes hurt. Who u have forgiven over and over and nothing changes, and your heart can’t take anymore, because u have your own struggles and this person just adds to it. You don’t have Ill will to them, but they dont respect, they slander,fowl mouthed,basically they hurt with their Tongue etc…. What does Allah say in this situation.
ybawany
August 21, 2012 at 4:16 pm
Assalamoalaikum Fatima,
Sabr (or patience) is indeed a virtue in Allah’s eyes. That is why it is one of those things that Allah will personally reward. We all have someone who is like what you have mentioned above; the trick is to keep faith in Allah and keep forgiving no matter how bad things may seem. We will surely get our reward in the afterlife, if not here.
Take care and remember me in your prayers!
Allah Hafiz
Yousuf
KK
September 6, 2012 at 9:11 pm
Jazak Allah Khair for this beautiful and well researched article. My brother broke ties with me before Ramadhan and refuses to speak to me no matter what I say or which hadith etc I send. I’ve now sent him your article in the hope that he sees sense.
Family rifts amongst asian families in particular can go on for years due to ignorance in following the culture rather than the deen. May Allah guide us all.
ybawany
September 8, 2012 at 2:33 pm
All I can pray is for Allah to show him the error of his ways and mend his ties with you. Hope you get to talking to your brother soon. Insha Allah.
fareed
February 27, 2013 at 10:45 pm
assalamualaikum,1)I wanted to know about the thing that exactly breaks a relationship in the view
of islam…like what are the things that are obligatory for us to do to maintain a relation, to not cause sin upon ourselves ..2)i also wanted to know that should we not break a relation with someone who is nonmahram to us if they behave badly 3)..and should we not break a relation with a person who is not a relative but a muslim..4)and what if the person is our relative and he tells us that he”ll do black magic on us or can harm us physically,can we break it in this situation.5)this is a general question not related to this topic..is it compulsory for a nonmahram muslim boy and a nonmahram muslim girl to greet each other with islam if they come in front of each other?…please quote quranic verses or hadith if possible…i will be thankful for the help.allahafiz
ybawany
February 28, 2013 at 4:47 am
Assalamoalaikum Fareed,
I am no mufti, just a simple man trying to spread the message of love and respect in light of Islam.
As I said, you need to take these very good questions to a person who has a solid grasp of quran, sunnah and fiqh. I can answer point no. 2 for you, though. When someone is a na-mehram, there is no relationship whatsoever.
May Allah guide us towards his light and show us the right path (Aameen).
Allah Hafiz
Yousuf
fareed
February 27, 2013 at 10:50 pm
in my previous comment the word in the second last line is salam not islam…is it compulsory for a nonmahram muslim boy and a nonmahram muslim girl to greet each other with salam if they come in front of each other